funny signs, funny quotes, and graffiti

Sign on a desk: INCONTINENCE HOTLINE - CAN YOU HOLD PLEASE. (Thanks BC)

We aim to please, you aim too please. (Sign above a urinal.)

Antidisestablishmentarianism - easier done than said.

There are 10 types of people in this world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

There are three sorts of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't.

Man who stands on toilet, is high on pot.

Five out of four people can't do fractions.

I am neither for nor against apathy. (On the wall above a urinal in a men's WC at a university at the height of US social unrest in the 1960's.)

Beware of a man with a gleam in his eyes - it may just be the sun shining through the hole in his head. (Women's washroom graffiti.)

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breastplate open. (Graffiti in a women's washroom.)

To do is to be - Descartes, To be is to do - Voltaire, Do be do be do - Sinatra.

"God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

Express Lane: Five beers or less. (Sign above a urinal.)

You're too good for him. (Sign above a women's washroom mirror.)

No wonder you always go home alone. (Sign above a men's washroom mirror.)

A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. (Sign in a women's washroom.)

Beauty is only a light switch away.

At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.

If voting could really change things it would be illegal.

Temporary notice on a public bar - "Our public bar is presently not open because it is closed."

Sign outside a pub: "Liquor in the front - Poker round the back."

And the old favorite found in Gents toilets the world over, commonly added to any sign instructing visitors: Please do not throw cigarettes in the urinal... "... Because it makes them difficult to light..."

Dead People's Things For Sale. (Sign outside an antiques shop)

Unattended Children will be given an Expresso and a Free Puppy (Sign in a gift shop window)

On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumbers truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

At a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak.